Hello.
I'm sort of having a problem. You see I really like anthro animals. Mostly foxes or cartoon ones though. I draw them too. But I'm not sure if this means I'm a furry or not. I don't really consider myself a furry but someone that likes anthro animals.It's not that I'm against furries. I actually think most are kind and misunderstood. But I really don't know if I should consider myself one or not. Thanks for taking time to read this. * * * Dear Furiend, It depends on what you mean by being a furry. At its most basic level, all it means is that you enjoy art, cartoons, movies, etc. that include anthropomorphized animal characters in them. Since you like furry foxes and also like to draw them, that would make you someone who is a fan of furries. The other side of it is the entire lifestyle of the fandom: going to cons and meets, being active in online communities, perhaps having a fursuit. That's all part of the fun, but just because you like anthro foxes doesn't mean you have to do any of this if you don't want to. So, it's really up to you. You can call yourself a furry (technically, the appropriate term is "furry fan," because only actual anthros are furries) and you would not be incorrect. Or you can decide not to call yourself that. You define you. No one else. Hope that answers your question. Papabear
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Hi Papa Bear!
I was wondering about your stance on interspecies dating? I identify as a Blood Moon Night Fox. I recently attended a convention where I met a great person who identifies as a Tiger Shark Female. We have been communicating for several months now and I've contracted feelings for her. However, I am more on the conservative side and only believe the only kind of cross breeding can happen when ligers and mules are made. Do you think a fox like me and a shark like her can make this work or stay as friends and keep my morals and stick to land animals? I would very much appreciate your wisdom and input. Please write soon! Furambe (male, age 23) * * * Dear Furambe, I'm not going to post this on my site because my answer might be a bit blunt for you. [Note: I obviously changed my mind for reasons readers will see below]. Um... you are not really a fox and she is not really a shark, so, are you kidding me? You're both humans. If you like her, see if she will go out on a date with you. Papabear * * * Excuse me but seeing as you're a very noticed character in the furry community how dare you imply I am "just human." That is seen as kinphobic and racially ignorant. You might take your furry status as serious as a lot of us do "Kevin," but it is seen as phobic to the full extent. I trusted you but shame on you Mr. Hile. * * * Hi, Not sure why you are putting my name in quotation marks, but okay. I am not racially ignorant or kinphobic. You are talking about things that don't exist. You are not, in reality, a fox, and she is not, in reality, a tiger shark. To assert that you are is to lose touch with reality. I realize there are people who identify very closely with their fursonas. I myself feel that bear is my spirit animal. But I don't fail to recognize that we are all, including you, sweetie, Homo sapiens. To say I am "phobic" is to say I am afraid of furries. No, I am not. What I am trying to say is that you are making things unnecessarily complicated with your love interest because you are both humans, like it or not. That's not phobia. That's not racism. That's reality. And you need to get a firm grip on it, hon. .... Actually, when you think about it, your fears about whether being mates with another "species" is a problem the very definition of racial fear, is it not? I also note that in your email response you are not actually male, but female [email not printed here, nor is the person's real name]. I am wondering, therefore, whether your original question was really not about furry species but, rather, the fact that you are a female in love with a female? Is that the real issue here? If so, then, again, I would say that you should go with your feelings and pursue the relationship. Papabear Dear Readers, This is a good example of how sometimes people bury their problems in their fursonas. While having a fursona (or several) can be a fun and creative way of expressing oneself, it is worthwhile to note that sometimes getting lost in fantasy is not healthy. That is why I decided to publish this letter exchange. I never heard back from this writer. I hope I will someday. Hugs to all.... Dear Papabear,
I don't want to beat around the bush. I am, obviously, a furry and I got a girlfriend and she is not ok with it. This bothers me a lot, but I never say that to avoid further, sometimes even embarrassing, discussions. To give you some background: I always loved cats and by pure chance I discovered Nekos which in term led me to the furry fandom quite quickly. The first time I joined a furry chatroom was about two years ago, but I haven't gone to any furry conventions yet. I already was in a relationship with my girlfriend at this point. I didn't think the fandom would stick on me like that, but I quickly found friends and I'm friends with them to this date, although we live on different continents and rarely do something together outside of the chatroom. And I yiffed and yiff to this day, though less frequently than before. I admit, I shouldn't. To my girlfriend, it's cheating, to me it means nothing. I also know that she thinks of people yiffing left and right when she hears the word "furry" and a friend of ours, also a furry, is a good example of this. When we discussed about them, i tried to defend me and the fandom, but I can't make her change her opinion on them. But I do love her! She means more to me than anyone else and leaving her is not an option for either of us, but I don't want to torture her or me by keeping it secret. I'm certain that I can change my behavior about yiffing, which would make the situation manageable, but I cannot change her. I don't want to betray my girlfriend and/or myself. How do I convince her that furries are not a group of people to hate? Fia (the Braixen) (age 18) * * * Dear Fia, Your girlfriend, like many other non-furries, believes that the fandom is about kinky, weird sex. You and this other friend, by apparently indulging a lot in yiff, have reinforced this conception she has. Since you assert that you love your girlfriend and don’t want to lose her, and since you also say that you are willing and able to cut down (or perhaps eliminate entirely) your yiffing behavior, I would start there. I would then recommend you try to expose her to all the great stuff in the fandom that has absolutely nothing to do with yiff. To change her views about the fandom, you see, she needs a lot of evidence to contradict what she has already seen and heard about furries. Here’s a pretty good article about misconceptions and the fandom published in the UK’s Guardian. Because you started off on the wrong paw, you’re going to have to do some damage control, and this will likely take quite a bit of time. Be patient and diligent, and hopefully she will come to see that the fandom isn’t just about fuzzy kinkiness. Good Luck! Papabear Hi Papabear,
When I was trying to figure out my gender identity, I finally settled on 'agender' because it felt right. I can't explain it...but I suppose it's the same as knowing yes, you are male, or female, or etc.! It's a gut feeling, IMO. This isn't a letter about gender identity at all, though, heh. I bring this up because of the term 'furry.' I have two fursuits in the works, I'm wild about animals, and I like some furry stuff, but I really don't identify as a furry. The term doesn't feel right to me -- not because of the fandom's reputation (I'm past caring about that) but because I just...well, don't identify! The same gut feeling as when I figured out my gender identity. (This is also not to say that furry is a gender identity or anything. Just using a comparison.) However, I'm reminded of that old saying: "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck..." etc. I like fursuits and some furry stuff. Does that mean I owe it to myself to take on the furry label? I always considered myself just a person who likes costumes, animals, and good art. I also have plenty of hobbies outside the fandom, so it's not like I can't read a book or watch a show if there isn't a talking squirrel in it. I've had a friend tell me, "Well, if a guy liked only guys but refused to say he was gay, wouldn't you raise an eyebrow?" The answer to that is no: I respect people's labels even when they fly in the face of my own reality. Thing is, other folks are probably gonna think I'm in denial, and I'd hate to be seen as dishonest or immature. Sorry for the long, winding letter, and thanks for all you do, Wee Lioness (23) * * * Hi, Wee, Here’s a little secret: Papabear hates labels. People are much more complex than that, and trying to fit someone into one category or another can be an exercise in futility. For example, I could say I’m a gay man, but being gay is just one aspect of a much more complex personality. I’m also a furry, but I don’t go around introducing myself to people as a furry. I’m a writer and editor, too. I’m an amateur philosopher. I’m a brother. I’m a boyfriend. I’m Caucasian. I’m American. I’m a Virgo. I’m a spiritualist. I’m an empath. You see where I’m going with this. You know what I say when I introduce myself to people? “Hi, I’m Kevin Hile.” I’m not a label; I’m me. Just because you like some furry art, fursuits, and some of the stuff associated with furries doesn’t mean you are now required to participate in any furry community activities, nor are you “denying you’re a furry.” The talented woman who made my fursuit, Beastcub, is not a furry, but she loves making fursuits for people. Maybe you’re like that. It begs the questions, doesn’t it, as to what really makes a furry? Obviously, it’s not what you wear or what you call yourself that matters. It’s what you are comfortable with, and if you don’t want to call yourself a furry, then don’t call yourself a furry. Hugs, Papabear Papabear,
My enemy heard that I am a furry and now he is going to tell my friends that I am a weirdo. My enemy hates and thinks furries are stupid because he says that they are sex addicts (but I know they're not). Please, can you help me out? I need it, please. Kit the Wolf (age 12, U.K.) * * * Hi, Kit, Okay, the issue here is gossip. Whether it is gossip about being a furry or anything else for that matter, you can deal with it in the same way. Usually. What is unique here is that this gossip—that you are a furry—is actually true. It's the details that are incorrect. Kind of like if people at the workplace outed you for being homosexual. Here are some things you can do....
I hope that helps. Good luck! Write again if you need more help. Hugs, Papabear Hello Papabear!
First I want to say how much I have enjoyed reading through your past letters and responses. The advice you give helped me answer a lot of questions that were arising inside of me. Well, recently I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be part of the furry community. I'd always had a touch of furry inside of me, knowing about the top webcomics like Kevin and Kell, Fur Will Fly, and The Class Menagerie. I've always loved anthros, coming more from the Disney and Sci-Fi school of thought like the OG generation, and my favorite novel series are Brian Jacques "Redwall" books, which were a huge influence on me wanting to be a writer. I didn't keep up with pursuing the fandom in high school sadly. It wasn't the perceived social stigma, so much as I was not aware of anyone else I could talk with about the fandom and my interest laid dormant from graduation, through college, and through post collegiate life. I did encounter furs in college, but they were more ... exclusive, we will say ... about who they accepted and once again my interest retreated back inside. Well, a couple months ago I befriended several people with ties to a different fandom who happen to be furries and I found myself remembering my old interest and fun at the anthro art and comics. I started diving a little deeper than I had since I was a kid, and learned about many top people in the community, and even for the first time discovering there is a literary side to it that is as healthy as the art. This intrigued me a lot...I've always fashioned myself as a writer, and even though I have a degree in photography too writing was my first love but it fell away, as no new ideas came to me and I fell into a creative funk that became mild depression. Couple that with anxiety disorder in a high-stress work place, the depressive nature of the news, and other factors in my personal life, and I consider my furry friends lifesavers for my sanity and creativity. I found that spark again to write and currently am having my first go at an anthro story. I have a novel outlined I'd like to attempt to but I'm digressing from the main point. My question is that I'm ready to accept my furriness and embrace it, but will I be thought of as another "wannabe" trying to be something they're not? I'm still terrified after the snub I got in college that coming into the community after being an outsider for so long I'll be looked at as some sort of poseur (no fursona to speak of and not yet a member of any furry social media). The fandom is something I want to involve myself in and be part of the community and bring what talents I have to help keep it alive. The friends I do have have been accepting, which gives me hope that once I make myself known more, that those fears will fall away. But in the back of my mind, I still have those self-sabotaging doubts. Thank you in advance for reading this and I hope I was not a rambling bore. Best regards and best of health, Rakkety Tam (age 29) * * * Hi, Rakkety Tam (love that name—how’d you come up with it?), I completely understand this letter in many ways. As a writer myself, for example, I get what you are going through in attempting your first novel. I also understand the fear of not being accepted by the furry community, especially as an older furry. The times I’ve been to the Prancing Skiltaire party, for example, I felt like the complete outsider because it was nothing but young people (well, couple of older ones, including the hosts, of course) and they already had their cliques and all that. I stopped going for that reason. It’s also why I started the Facebook Greymuzzle Group for furries 30 and older (contact us on your next birthday) so that older furries could chat with each other more comfortably. That said, two things are true here (in my experience): as a whole, the fandom is accepting of pretty much anyone, regardless of age, sexual preference, nationality, race, religion, etc. etc. However, it is also true that local groups of furries form, and each group can have its own microculture. Sometimes that culture is open and accepting, sometimes it is elitist and cliquish. A lot of this depends on who becomes the “leader” of the group. Their character as people will generally define the nature of the group they run. I’ve had people write to me at this column singing the praises of their local furry groups, while others feel completely ostracized by theirs. That group you met in college was not one of the better ones, apparently. Just because you had a bad experience there, though, doesn’t mean it’s like that everywhere in the fandom. Indeed, I would say the bad groups are in the minority. You yourself note that while that college furry group was not so inviting your other furry friends have been “life savers.” You just need to keep socializing with more furries and establishing your furiends network, which will evolve over time. You’re not a “wannabe” at all, Rakkety. Indeed, in my experience it is more common to see younger furs who are poseurs and who later drop out of the fandom because they just did it to try something different. It’s the same reason many young people do things like coloring their hair purple or getting a nose piercing. They are trying to find themselves and their creativity, but this period ends for many people who become “adults” and drop their furry pursuits because they are “childish.” Probably way over half of the under-20 furries you see now will not be involved in the fandom after they get regular jobs and start raising families and paying taxes and worrying about their mortgages or rent. If you are still a furry in your late 20s, 30s, 40s and onward, you are hardcore in my book. You are furry for life, not just because it’s cool or outrageous, but because you have a furry soul. Papabear considers you a furry in my book. And, even if I didn’t, who cares? You aren’t a furry to please other people but to please yourself. So, enjoy the art, the comics, the books, and good luck with your writing! (I’d love to see it!) You’ll make friends, don’t worry. Bear Hugs, Papabear How do I become a furry? And where can I go?
Anonymous (Cape Town, SA) * * * Hello, Furiend, How do you "become a furry"? Well, it is a very long and arduous process. You have to find someone who belongs to our secret furry organization to sponsor you. Once you've paid the $100 to join, you must go through a grueling period of training on how to be a "true furry." This is followed by an initiation that can be quite physical and painful (I cannot divulge the details lest I be punished). When you have been trained, you go into your apprenticeship during which you must find 20 furries to be your benefactors/owners. You will be their servant for the next year and you will have to do all they ask. Next, you are in your journeyman period for another year. This is when you must learn to make your own fursuit and you must wear it all the times, day and night. When that is completed, you are taken to the Super-Secret Furry Den, where you will be given a special ring you must always wear and swear your oath of fealty. If you ever break it or try to leave the fandom, you will be hunted down and eaten. I'm kidding, of course. Please forgive a silly ol' bear. We all tend to make things much more complicated than they need to be. Want to be a furry? Then be a furry. If you like furries, you're a furry. Ain't hard, hon. As for "Where can I go?" That's all up to you. Easiest thing to do is simply search online for furry groups in social networks etc. and start chatting with furries. These days, you can't shake a proverbial stick online without hitting a furry. Since you kindly provided your location, however, I can point you to a couple places in your area.
Good luck! Have fun! Papabear Dear Papabear,
I'm a 14-year-old boy that is a major furry. I love the whole fandom. I was worried to tell my friends; when I told them they were okay with it, but they didn't get it. When I was riding with one of my friends in her car, I told her about being a furry. This was the first thing she asked me: "Are u gonna yiff when you get older?" I told her no. When I told my mom, she knew the bad stuff about the fandom. My dad didn't know what furries are, and he is gonna research it. My question is, "What should I do to help them get the furry community?" With Many Love, Just turned 14 Tundra * * * Hi, Tundra, I've explained furries many times on my website, of course. Sometimes, though, pictures work better than words. Here are some furry videos that really show the heart of furry. Feel free to share; perhaps they will help:
The above emphasize fursuiting too much, of course. There is a LOT more about furries than that, including art, writing, and music:
The problem with mundanes is that they only have one view of the fandom. Try and give them a more well-rounded perspective of what we are about and feel free to share these links and others with them. Bear Hugs, Papabear Dear Papa Bear,
Hello! I’ll get right to the point, I have very recently discovered the furry fandom and it seems like something I would like to get into, but not a super hard core furry. I wouldn’t want an account on any furry related websites, and I’d probably post any furry art I make on my deviant art account (I’d continue to post non-furry art as well). I would design my fursona and draw her a lot but probably not make a full fursuit. So all this considered, would I still be considered a furry or would I just be someone who likes anthropomorphic art? Also, would I still be considered a furry if I continued posting non-furry art? Thanks for taking the time to read! Lot’s of love -Verity P.S Sorry if this is a weird question, I couldn't find what I was looking for anywhere else. * * * Hi, Verity, No worries. Papabear enjoys “weird questions.” This isn’t weird, though, believe me; not by a long shot. The fundamental question you are addressing here is “What exactly makes a furry a furry?” The problem arises out of a fundamental human need to categorize, label, and file everything in specific, neat little categories. We do this because we have a desperate desire to understand our world and it makes it easier to do so when we can say “This is This and That is That.” Real life is much more complicated than that, and that includes furry life! Most of the “definitions” you hear about who is a “real furry” and who is not are utter and complete baloney. “All furries wear fursuits” (only about 20% do); “All furries have to have a fursona” (nope, many do not); “All furries are obsessed with sex” (most definitely not); “Furries are all gay boys” (statistics prove otherwise); “Bronies are not furries” (who made you God of furries to tell someone he or she isn’t one?); “Furries all think they have an animal spirit inside them” (again, no, not at all; some do, some don’t). The only thing that ties us together is our love of anthropomorphic animal characters. There is no club to join, no secret handshake, no clandestine meetings where we all don ears and tails and chant while dancing around an effigy of Nick Fox. As to your specific question regarding whether you’re a furry if you also draw human characters. Sure, you can be a furry if you draw non-furry characters. If you want to be considered a furry, then you are a furry. If it will help, Papabear will get out his magic wand, wave it over your head, and announce “I dub thee furry!” Don’t be silly, sweetie. Be furry if you like. Don’t be furry if you don’t like. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, be and do what you want to be and do. Hugs, Papabear Hi
So here is my question I have been in the fandom for 5 yrs now and I am currently with a relationship who doesn't understand my fascination with it and I did explain it to him (he was very understanding) however when we got to the NSFW side. He kinda hit me with a block in the road and here it is. Does being aroused by the anthropomorphic characters in erotic situation count as Zoophilia?. As I am and he is in no way attracted to animals in any way or connection but this had stumbled me as although they are in humanoid bodies and 99% percent of the time with human "junk" as well as sentient and is supposed to be considered humanoid in setting, they also have animalistic facial and physical characteristic so it left me wondering does it or does it not count as such since I have had other thoughts about it with similar beings like Minotaurs or Argonians. So in a nutshell , Is being aroused to erotic anthropomorphic/furry pictures considered a sign of/or Zoophilia? It would be most helpful to pls lend us your expertise to help settle a question and help bring a couple closer together. Thank you in advance (Here is an example of what I am talking about: Note it is the Man like and a print from Blacksad to help yuo understand my question: link 1 http://s.hswstatic.com/gif/werewolf-comparison.jpg link2http://www.granitassocies.com/images/photos/jazz-n-fun-s-club-est-une-affiche-de-la-serie-blacksad-realisee-par-juanjo-guarnido-et-diaz-canales_6686.jpg http://bd-erotique.askell.com/Guarnido/05.jpg- this one is a little tasteful but is not meant to be NSFW) Cricket Meister * * * Dear Cricket, No, being a furry and being sexually aroused, even a little, by anthro characters is not the same as being a zoophile. Zoophilia is sexual attraction to actual animals, especially in the sense of actually have sex with them. Only a tiny percentage or fraction of a percent of furries would describe themselves as being into zoophilia. There are many reasons for the attraction to anthros, which I will be discussing in detail in my upcoming book. It’s important to note that the sexuality of such pictures as you shared has to do with a significant amount of human characteristics. Furries are, basically, humans with animal features, and that’s not the same as animals by any stretch of the mind. Hope that makes you feel better. Furry Hugs, Papabear |
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A note on comments: Comments on letters to Papabear are welcome, especially those that offer extra helpful advice and add something to the conversation that is of use to the letter writer and those reading this column. Also welcome are constructive criticisms and opposing views. What is NOT welcome are hateful, hurtful comments, flaming, and trolling. Such comments will be deleted from this site. Thank you.
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